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| I cannot even express the feelings i felt when i walked into Shaney's room for the first time. it hurt more than anything i've ever felt. it made me angry. it made me feel totally helpless. it made me wonder why God wasn't healing him yet. and this list could keep on going for a while. all of the tubes and wires and noises were overwhelming on their own. but then you see one of the sweetest,smartest, silliest, most loving little kiddos ever just laying there totally helpless, drugged up, and fighting to get better. and THAT is what is so heartbreaking. when i walked to his bedside and rubbed his arm and his tummy and this hair, every time i tried to talk to him, the only thing that would come out were tears... i could barely talk. then after about 15 minutes of standing there trying to talk to Shaney, finally words came out. I told him that i loved him so much and that he's the strongest and bravest boy i know. i told him how Jesus loves him so much; that Jesus was holding him in His arms. Usually, Shane's blood pressure would go up when we'd talk to him/touch him- that was a good sign. so, i stood there just loving him and praying and trying not to weep. i can't even remember how long we stayed in the room for- 3 hours, i think. then it was off to the Coleman house to see my 2 other nephews [Shane's brothers] Ben and Casey. they are such loves... Benny is 6 and is so funny and loving- he's my little Bean. Casey is 2 and is very very strong willed and adorable- he's our little Bear. So we played with them and i'm sure we watched a movie- i just can't remember what. but when we finally got back to mom's house, i went in my room and just wept. this trip was harder than anything i've ever experienced. but i kept trying to remind myself of the character and nature of God so i wouldn't loose hope. I haven't lost hope at all. quite the opposite, actually. i KNOW the LORD is gonna heal our little Shane fully and completely. Thank you to the many many many people that have been lifting up Shaney and our family in prayer continuously! THANK YOU! |
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